Psychology, Religious

What Married Men Want from their Counterparts

There is a general question among women, especially those considering themselves very beautiful. Still, their men are having an affair with other women who, in their opinion, they are not as attractive as themselves.  Many married women think that they invest a lot to make their counterparts comfortable compared to the efforts by men in making women comfortable. They cook for the children, cook for the husbands, clean the houses and make the homes good places to stay, share the bills, and work, yet they find their men getting out of the wedlock. The natural question that comes after all those efforts is ‘What do men want?’

This article confines itself on the roles of women in getting to answer this natural question of ‘what do men want from their counterparts?’

What do Men Want

 I happened to listen to a speech by Dr. K. N. Jacob given at a women conference where Dr. Jacob brought out 8 S’s as women’s responsibilities which are what men want.  I see these 8 S’s shared by Dr. Jacob to providing answers to this widespread question by women. I call upon women to find time and read this article as part of the efforts to salvage your marriages. Men are also invited to read and appreciate the efforts done by women in keeping happy marriages.

The Bible says in Proverbs 12: 4; ‘ A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown but a disgraceful wife like a decay in his bones’. A wife of nobility, a wife of dignity is a pride of her husband. An informal study conducted by Dr. Jacob indicated that about 80% of women who were asked the question ‘what do men want’ answered ‘Respect’. On the other hand, all men who were asked what they want from their wives they answered ‘Respect’. Which means the work is done because both men and women understand the concept and hence balanced the deal. Despite the balance there is still a problem of men getting out of their wedlock.

The Knowledge Gap

According to Dr. Jacob there is a gap between knowledge and what we do, a gap between the information we have, and the reality. Many men complain of lacking respect from their wives. But mind you women are trying hard with what they think as giving respect to their men and end up saying that men are never satisfied with anything, so let us not waste our times for them. As a result, most women prepare their own graves to bury their marriages. To fill the gap, Dr. Jacob shred the 8 S’s  that every woman should understand. According to him, the 8 S’s should be in very woman’s  fingertips if one want to save her marriage.

The 8 S’s  

These are important words for women to understand. The words all start with an S (Speak, Support, Safety, Space, Sex, Security, Service, and Savior).

Speak (Means ‘Say it’)

Most women hold things with imaginations that the man will understand. The rule for the first S is to say it. Speak to a man as if you are speaking to an elementary child student.  In a simple language means to communicate with your husband. It is common for women to get their husbands’ phones to check with which woman the husband is chatting with. This habit proves that no man can have an affair with another woman without communicating. Remember that your ability to speak makes you unique and human. Except for people with hearing or speaking impairment, you are reducing yourself to an animal who can not speak if you don’t talk. The bible says in 1 Timothy 3:11, “In the same way women are to be worthy of respect, not malicious talkers but temperate and trustworthy in everything. Remember, it is not about what you are saying but why you are saying it, not about why you say it but how you say it and when you say it (timing).

Support (Mutual Responsibility)

Whether you are a housewife or a working wife, men have to understand that you have great support for the betterment of the family. For those who are working class, support means sharing the bills with the husband. It is worth remembering that times have changed. Couples are required o support each other. The bible says in Prover 14:1, the wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands, the foolish one tears hers down. In this line, you need to say ‘our money’ all the time, instead of my money. Money has broken a lot of marriages.

Safety (When he fails)

Many women walk away when the money fails at a certain point. For example, if the business did not go well, or if he loses his job and many more situations, a man needs safety from his wife. It is at this time that women walk away instead of providing shoulders for him to rest on. The bible says in Proverb 25:24, ‘better to live on a corner of a roof than sharing a house with a quarrelsome wife.’ It would help if you remembered that to error is human and to forgive is divine. Marriage is about two fivers. Women must learn to love their husbands even when they pass through difficulties.

Space (Time accountability)

A man needs space. What we call personal time. Some men retreat while watching soccer, some to the beach, some watch televisions. In such times men do not want to be disturbed. Even Jesus himself, whom we emulate on several occasions, wanted some space alone. The bible says in Mathew 14:22-23, ‘Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side while he dismissed the crowd.’ After he had dismissed the disciples, he went to the mountain to pray by himself. It is so for the men personal space does not exclude responsibility. At any given moment, the wife must know where the man is. Please, note that when your husband asks for space-time, it does not necessarily mean a problem.

Sex (When he wants)

The rule here is sex should be available when either of the couples wants. But since we are addressing what men want, it is right to say when he wants. When should not take it wrongly that women do not have the right to demand sex, not at all? The bible says in 1 Corinthians 7:1-5, ‘Now regarding the questions, you asked in your letter; yes, it is good to abstain from sexual relations, but because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his wife, and each woman should have her husband.’ Women do not allow your husbands to go out of wedlock because your marriages are sexless, resulting in men being denied the right to have sex with their wives. Paul further said ‘the husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs and wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. Do not deprive each other of sexual relation unless you both agree to refrain from sexual immorality to a limited time.’

Security (Be faithful)

Remember that men are most insecure than women are. Over 80% of the marriages where the man cheated recovered, but 80% where women were caught cheating such marriages died. This s because men are more insecure than men. Because of the level of insecurity that men have, they do cheat many times more than women do. But this is not a ticket for men to cheat. Women should fulfill their marital responsibility of providing security to their men. Do not cheat as a matter of revenge because you will be burying your Marriage Alive. Cheating means yielding your body to a man who does not love you and does not respect you. As a result, it will be hearting yourself all the more. Better terminate the relationship if you can not forgive rather than involve yourself in an extramarital affair with someone who will just despise you. The Bible allows divorce in a place with sexual immorality. Mathew 5:32 allows divorce.  But please forgive and reconcile. The Bible says in Luke 17:3-4, ‘If your brother sins against you, even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying I repent you must forgive.’ The Bible says in Hebrew 13:4, ‘ Marriage should be honored by all and the marriage bed should be kept pure for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexuality immoral.’

Service (Invest in your marriage)

The bible says in 1Peter 4:8, ‘Most important of all continue to show deep love for love covers a multitude of sins. Be generous in expressing love, be creative, do your part. He will do his.

Savior (Pray together)

If you do not pray together, you will stay apart, but you will stay together if you pray together. You need to serve your marriage by praying together, by avoiding pride, perflated egos. Love your husband, the Agape Love.  The Bible in James 4:7 says, ‘So humble yourself before God resist the devil, and he will free from you’. The devil knows that if he destroys marriage, he destroys nations as there will be no live.No marriage works unless God is at the center of the marriage because marriage is God’s first institution. God did not create polygamy. God initiated one man, one wife.

The bible says in. Mathew 19:4-6 ‘Haven’t you read, ‘ he replied, ‘that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female, and said, ‘For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate.’ When you pray together, you deceive the devil because it shows our relationship with God. The devil respects the relationship with God. The bible says in Mark 1:35, ‘A long while before day Jesus went to a solitary place and there, he prayed.’ We also need to have a relationship with God if we want to fight the devil. We submit ourselves to God. Without God, no marriage seminar will heal your marriage because the devil will look for your loopholes. God must be the center of your marriage. Let your husband be your best friend forever (BFF).