I spent most of my time saving as the Chairperson of the Lay Council of our Parish, where the procedure was for the Chairperson of the Lay Council also to lead the Upbringing and Family Issues Committee of the Council. One of the significant roles of the Upbringings and Family issues Committee was to look into all matters related to family wellbeing, which also covers marriages. I thus got the precious opportunity to meet many couples and parents with whom we discussed, among others, marriage wellbeing issues. I learned a lot about the best practices and barriers in marriage life through such forums.  

Today, I’m going to share why many marriages collapse before five years. I organized and summarised the reasons into six (6) based on relatedness, and here are the six (6) reasons why many marriages collapse before five years.

Unmet expectations

The relationship that leads to marriage starts from different angles; some meet at the bus stand, airports, social activities, bars, and the like. At the time of their meetings, each tried to impress the other part. All married couples do have expectations while entering the relationship. The relationship can be realistic or unrealistic.  Unrealistic expectations form the highest reason for divorce of many married couples. You might have realistic expectations but not met by your partner. Unmet realistic expectations that, if not met, may result in chaos include;

• Sharing responsibilities around the house,
• Showing respect to each other,
• Speaking kindly,
• Saying “I love you” often,
• Trusting each other all the time, and
• Honoring each other’s dreams.

Social Media

Social media platforms have become a fashion and part of everyday life for millions worldwide. While we appreciate the power and ability of social media to connect the world, we can’t ignore its adverse effects on marriages and relationships.

• Spending too much time on Facebook, what sup and Instagram leave less time for interaction with the other partner leading to disconnection. Increased social media platforms contributed to severe marital problems, including suspicion, snooping, jealousy, unfaithfulness, conflicts, and eventually divorce.
• Social Media platforms have been an avenue for infidelity. Some use social media to look for a relationship other than the wife/husband.
• Through social media, people obtained evidence for filing a divorce. The evidence includes posts of images with others and proof of time and place.

Excessive usage of Cell Phones

Excessive usage of cell phones, especially smartphones, sabotages your relationship as it decreases your marital satisfaction. The other partner feels isolated and lonely, bringing about depression and mistrust, resulting in decreased marital satisfaction. Once you allow depression and doubt, you have already signed your divorce document. I often talked to couples about marriage problems, asking them the source of their argument, and found that too much use of cell phones has become a significant reason for their marital problems.

Lack of Preparation for Marriage

It has been shared for people to enter into a relationship and finally in marriage hurriedly and without being psychologically prepared. Possible reasons can be pressure from parents and peers, unexpected pregnancy, personal expectations of one or both partners, and the like. Whatever reasons caused unprepared marriages, the concourses will be the partners not belonging to the partnership. I have heard partners saying ‘I was not ready to get married, or it is my mum who forced me to get married, or this woman or man is not of my type, or I wish I did not meet him, or it is because of this pregnancy, or we do not fit at all’ etc. Such words reflect an act of unpreparedness to enter into a marriage relationship, and hence such relationships cannot last long. The couples need a small and straightforward argument to solve a severe problem.

Lack of Commitment

One factor called love is mainly considered when people enter into a relationship. Typically, there is no commitment between partners at this point of view. In most cases, partners are forced by external and bodily factors and think they love each other. When they enter into serious relationships and marriages, serious commitment becomes necessary. However, they find that one or both partners are not serious with the relationship and take one another for granted. Being committed to a relationship means stopping thinking as an individual but thinking for both and setting life priorities that consider you together.

Parents involvement in the life of married couples

Marriage is for two who have agreed to live together. The bible says in Genesis 2:24: ‘…… a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Allowing parents to sit in between is going against your love and the word of God and is dangerous. I have several times spoken to couples on the source of their misunderstandings and found that parents’ involvement has been on their neck in some cases. I heard a husband saying, ‘My mother is a reason for my misunderstanding with my wife because I miss confidence in myself.’ Wives mostly say that they cannot plan a meal for the husband; the mother-in-law will say something about it. One said, ‘I m fed up with my mother-in-law because everything I do is not right in her eyes even though it is right for my husband.’