What Married Women Want from their Counterparts

This article extends the article shared about ‘what married men want from their counterparts’ because talking about men is incomplete until you also talk about women. Thus, to complete the chain, I m sharing what married women want from their counterparts. A reading from the Letter of Saint Paul to the Ephesians, 5:23 says, “For the husband is head of his wife just as Christ is head of the Church, he is the savior of the body.” Thus, the article confines itself on what men should do in search of fulfilling this biblical requirement of being the head to the wife by asking themselves what women want or rather what married women want from their husbands? Since the focus is married women and men, the word husbands and men and wives and women will be used synonymously. 

What do Wives Want from their Husbands

Before looking for what wives want from their husbands, it is worth noting that Marriage is a partnership between husband and wife. For a partnership to work, you need to have some principles and rules that each partner agrees to abide by. The Bible says the two partners can not walk together unless they agree and decide where to go (Amos. 3:3). Focussing on what wives want from their husbands means asking themselves what wives are looking at in their relationship?

Experience and results of some informal research found that what wives want from their husbands is ‘LOVE.‘ This requirement originates from God.  The Bible says through the letter of St. Paul to the Ephesians that, ‘Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the Church, and gave himself for it; (Ephesians. 5:25). Loving your wife is a directive from God and hence a must-do.  Thus, it is a wake-up call for husbands to start learning the love language of women and implement it.

The 12 P‘s  

I always like Dr. Jacobteachings about Marriage, and in this case, I m using his 12 P’s phenomenon to present what wives want from their husbands. The 12 P’s represents 12 essential words for married men to understand, like the 8 S’s for married women. These words are Promise, Purity, Positivity, Progress, Perception, Pleasure, Pursue, Party, Physique, Provisions, Protection, and Prayers.


The first P denotes promise. The keywords here are leadership, security, and commitment from the husbands. Every wife usually asks herself, Do we have a future together? Can we make a sustainable partnership? And Can I count on my husband? Your wife needs a promise that the partnership is real and that the Marriage will never fall. Husband, you should promise your wife that you will fulfill the responsibility of being the head of the family. The Bible, through Ephesians 5:24, says that ‘For the husband is head of his wife just as Christ is head of the Church, he the savior of the body. Husbands should be responsible for the rise and fall of their marriages/ families.

Women need to be secured in their marriages. They want to be part of the team, but they miss the appropriate team leader in most cases. Men/husbands are leaders of the team, leaders of the partnership, leaders of the Marriage.


The second P denotes Purity. The keywords here include fidelity, faithfulness, and loyalty. Every wife usually asks herself, ‘Am I the only woman in my man’s life?Will he respect our Marriage? The need for Purity in Marriage is built on the word of God in Hebrews 13:4. That Marriage must be respected by all, and the marriage bed kept undefiled because God will judge immoral people and adulterers. The absence of Purity always goes hand in hand with using family time, money, and other resources. Your wife would like you to be for the family, not for everyone else. In the effort to observe Purity, your wife would like to have the right to know where you are, what you are doing, and the like. Disclose passwords for your garget because password gives a sign of lack of light. Stop going to the bathroom with your cellophane.


The third P denotes Positivity. The keywords here include appreciation, compliments, and affirmation. Every wife usually asks herself, ‘Does he love me?Your wife wants to hear that you love her, tell her every morning that you love her, appreciate her services, give a complimentary statement on her outfit, etc. Would you please learn to complement your wife? If you are positive, Positivity brings back your happiness.  


The fourth P denotes Progress. The keywords here include personal, professional, and spiritual growth. Every wife usually asks herself, Am I personally, professionally, and spiritually growing in this relationship? Husbands are responsible for your wife’s personal, professional and spiritual Progress. As you progress yourself, you have to make sure that your wife also make Progress in various arenas because the Bible in Ephesians 5:33 says ” ….. each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”


The fifth P denotes perception. The keywords here include listen, emphasize, and talk. Every wife usually asks herself if the husband cares how she feels. Husbands take the words of God as per 1Peter 3:7 that “ Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.” Men should understand that women are weaker than men; they are sensitive in even minor issues, so much emotional than men can think of. Thus, as you understand your emotions, do the same to the feelings of your wife. In other words, men should learn how to put themselves in the shoes of their wives. Consider how, why, and when you should say something. Make sure that you regularly communicate with your wife or have no difference from the animals. Do not assume things; instead, Communicate.


The sixth P denotes pleasure. The keywords here include play, romance, and Sex. Every wife usually asks herself, “Are we satisfying each other sexually?” Sex intimacy is not only about men but women also. Men are responsible for making sure that your wife is sexually satisfied. The word of God in Ecclesians 9:9 says that “Enjoy life with the woman whom you love all the days of your fleeting life which He has given to you under the sun; for this is your reward in life and in your toil in which you have labored under the sun.” The best rule about Sex in Marriage is ‘when either wants not when both want. If your wife wants, you have to make sure it happens. Your wife has the right to get and enjoy the pleasure of Sex from the husband. Some men think that sexual intimacy is only for men. It is worth noting that Sex is holy in Marriage but outside Marriage is a sin. Marriage without Sex is a problem.


The seventh P denotes the word pursue, which is about investing in your Marriage. The keywords here include explore, must, and service. Every wife usually asks herself, “if the husband is investing in the Marriage.” From experience, women invest so much in their Marriages but not so much in men. The word of God in 1 Peter 4:8 says, Above all, love each other deeply because love covers over a multitude of sins.” Where there is love, you do not uncover your wife’s weakness; instead, you focus on her good things. Learn to keep on investing in your Marriage if you want a healthy relationship.


The eighth P denotes the word party. The keywords here include celebration, sociability, and independence. Every wife usually asks herself, “Am I a free soul? Is my personal space respected? The word of God in Colossians 3:19 says, Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.” Learn to celebrate your wife’s birthdays and anniversaries will make her happy.


The ninth P denotes the word physique. The keywords include skin, clothes, and jewels. Every woman asks herself, “Does he care about how I look?” Ask yourself, when did you buy her a handbag last? A pair of earrings? You need to invest in her attractiveness. The good thing with women the face is the mirror of her heart. Once you start investing in her look, you will find your happiness. The word of God in Ephesians 5:28-29 says, “ In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the Church.


The tenth P denotes provisions. The keywords in discussion provisions are money, assets, and ambitions. Every wife would ask herself, “Can the man provide my requirements? The word of God in 1Timoth 5:8 says thatAnyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.Thus ensuring provisions to the wife and the family is directive from God. Men do not just relax and let the wife struggle for provisions to the family since doing that is against God’s directive. Even at the time of difficulty, the wife needs to see efforts being taken. Basically, men are the primary bread earners of the family.


The eleventh P denotes protection. The keywords in discussion provisions are work, in-laws, and boys/your male friends. Every wife would ask herself if her husband could protect her from other parties. Wi he manages to have a work-life balance? Will he protect me from my mother-in-law and sister in-laws? Will he protect me from his male friends? All such questions call for responsibility on the part of the husband. Do not allow your wife to compete with her mother-in-law and sister in-laws. The Bible does not say anything about loving your mother or your sisters but directs you to love your wife. The Bible, through 1 Corinthians 11:3, says that “But I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.”. You are the head of your wife. Hence it would help if you protected her from all evils.


The twelfth  P denotes prayers. The keywords in discussion provisions are sacrifice, Church, quiet time. The question every woman would ask is if the husband can be her spiritual father.  The Bible says through James 4:7 says that “So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” When you submit yourself before God, no devil can disturb you because if God is on your side, nobody can be above you (Romans 8:31).  A couple that prays together stays together, but a couple that does not pray together stays apart.